FAP FILES: Jennifer Tilly

This weeks entry into the Fap File is someone that has been super hot for years but for some reason seems to not get acknowledged unless she is in your face. And oh does she get in your face. Jennifer Tilly was born in Harbor City, CA to a Chinese father and White mother and she changed her name from Chan. I’d seen her in movies before but it wasn’t until a lesbian friend of mine showed me Bound that I was like “She looks so…smart.” Have you seen that movie? No?! Why do you even own eyes?! Its not like you’re using them. And there is nothing more frustrating than watching a film like this with someone you have no chance with. My penis actually sighed.

She still does acting and voice over work. She’s been on Family Guy for over ten years now doing the voice of Bonnie Swanson. But it seems that the only time I see pictures or hear of her is from playing poker. I’ve played poker before and won even though I didn’t know what the fuck I was doing which proves its not something that money should be bet on. Could you try and concentrate on anything if when you looked across the table this is what you saw? Nope. And did I mention that she is over 50 years old? She looks better than her younger sister Meg Tilly which is so not fair. Sucks to be her but whatever. Her voice is recognizable instantly for being really low and husky. That’s how I would describe my shape in junior high.

I try not to watch too many interviews with Tilly. She comes across as knowing just how hot she is. I love when chicks have no idea. Which is why I don’t like telling good looking women that they are. Next thing you know they realize that I’m a monster and start dating assholes that I have to hear stories about. If I met Jennifer Tilly I would probably not even look at her boobs. Just creepy eye contact. Some sites say she is Canadian which would make sense seeing as how that country’s best exports are amazing wrestlers, hockey, and great comedians. Oh, and fapable chicks.